“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.” - looking for alaska
i don't know if it is the hopeless romantic in me but wouldn't it be nice to find someone who makes you grow? not physically but as a person. to have someone to share all of your deepest thoughts and stupid remarks that you think of right before you go to bed? isn't it lovely to believe in something? to have someone you can hold on to and just simply share the silence with. i've come up with a conclusion that i hate couples these days because this doesn't happen anymore. they don't connect in that kind of level. and to have to share this with a few people is exhausting.
although i say this, i don't think i want that typical relationshit. i'd like something fascinating and out of the ordinary. dates in the grocery store or while picking out old books. or going to the museum after smoking a blunt together. the thing is; i think my standards are quite high and i need to listen to my brother. he said something along the lines of "you cant find that perfect guy. you find someone who you deserve and make him perfect." i agree. people get accustomed to you. you'll probably never find that perfect one but you'll find your ideal one. i also thought of wanting a relationship where you're both reckless, and immature and you do immature things together like draw on their toes and laugh for hours.
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