18

another day has passed
it's wednesday today, and the air in campus was dry and the sun was hot
i went straight home after class and a few conversations because i had to take the train

i was very conscious of the fact that tomorrow,
i would no longer be
eighteen.

the thought of that scares me
it haunts my very soul,
because i don't want to grow any older.

say it's my inner peter pan complex,
but i'm actually very upset about it.

i don't wish for a surprise, it'll probably be the same old routine anyways
my mom and sister would wake me up first,
to give me the cake they bought 2 hours beforehand when they lied and said they were out to buy
my sister's uniform
or
buy groceries
my dad would come in after, trying to hide his weariness
my brother won't be celebrating with me this year.
i miss that guy,
a lot.

let's see why i am so scared of getting old
well maybe its the responsibility, and the age limitation that i have surpassed
or maybe i'm scared that at 19
you won't love me anymore,
and that all the fun and wicked and melancholic and pretentious things i did
was only at 18

plus, 18 just looks so much cooler written down than 19.